One of the other mothers I (Andrew Solomon) interviewed when I was working on my book had been raped as an adolescent and had a child following that rape, which had thrown away her career plans and damaged all of her emotional relationships.
But when I met her, she was 50, and I said to her, “Do you often think about the man who raped you?”
And she said, “I used to think about him with anger, but now only with pity.”
And I thought she meant pity because he was so unevolved as to have done this terrible thing.
And I said, “Pity?” And she said, “Yes, because he has a beautiful daughter and two beautiful grandchildren, and he doesn’t know that, and I do.
So as it turns out, I’m the lucky one.”
(Read the story twice, it has a very deep meaning)
De-briefing of this Story
To overcome life’s difficult situation, you need to forge new meaning and identity to your bad experiences.
Forging meaning and building identity does not make what was wrong right. It only makes what was wrong precious.
So change the story of how you share your bad experiences by giving it more powerful and positive meaning.
From the Ted talk – How the worst moments in our lives makes us who we are by Andrew Solomon – https://www.ted.com/talks/andrew_solomon_how_the_worst_moments_in_our_lives_make_us_who_we_are
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