I (Chetan Bhagat) was fourteen years old when I first seriously contemplated suicide. I had done badly in chemistry in the class 10th half yearly exam.
I was an IIT aspirant, and 68% was nowhere near. I don’t know what had made me screw up the exam, but I did know this: I was going to kill myself.
The only debate was about the method. Ironically, chemistry offered a way out. I had read about copper sulphate, that was both cheap and poisonous. Copper sulphate was easily available at the local kirarna store. I had it all worked out.
My rationale for killing myself was simple – nobody loved me, my chemistry score was awful. I had no future and what difference would it make to the world if I was not there?
I bought the copper sulphate for two rupees – probably the cheapest exit strategy in the world.
I didn’t do it for two reasons. One, I had a casual chat with the aunty next door about copper sulphate, and my knowledgeable aunt knew a woman who had died that way. She said it was the most painful death possible – all your veins burst and you suffer for hours. Tha tale made my insides shudder.
Second, on the day I was to do it, I noticed a street dog outside my house being teased by neighborhood kids as he hunted for scraps of food. Nobody loved him. it would make no difference to the world if the dog wasn’t there.
And I was pretty sure that its chemistry score would be awful.
Yet the dog wasn’t trolling off to the kirana store. He was only interested in figuring out a strategy for his next meal.
And when he was full, he merely curled up in a corner with one eye open, clearly content and not giving damn about the world.
If he wasn’t planning to die anytime soon, what the hell I was ranting about? I threw the copper sulphate away. It was the best two bucks I ever wasted.
Debriefing of this story
Sometimes the pressure gets too much and you decide to end your life. If that was supposed to be a way out then nature would have provided us with a switch off button.
We don’t have it so have faith and wait for the plan of destiny to unfold. And if street dogs don’t give up, there is no reason why we, the smart species, should. Make sense, right?
“Sometimes all you need is more faith in faith and hope in hope.” – Rupak
From the book – “What Young India Wants” by Chetan Bhagat
To get such powerful and inspirational stories via WhatsApp every alternate day, message your name and “stories” to 91-8286-211-823 (Rupak) and save that number. You will get added in next 2-3 days.